Why are you not happy?
7 Reasons that you may not be as happy as you could be!
When you find yourself feeling unhappy from time to time there is usually an underlying reason. Sometimes there is the presence of a problem. This problem can be ‘internal’ in nature or ‘external’ in nature.
Internal problems include psychological issues or conditions, attitudes, perceptions, negative self-talk, personal opinions etc. (things happening in your mind). External problems are from outside of you. This can include, but certainly not limited to: arguments with others, negative experiences, financial difficulties etc.
A series of problems are listed below with basic solutions directly below each problem. This is designed to allow you to rule out certain causes of your unhappiness. Keep in mind that the ongoing presences of feelings of sadness or negative thoughts can mean more than simply having ‘the blues’. When these feelings persist or significantly restrict the living of your daily life, a diagnosis of depression may be applicable. You may require medical attention. When in doubt, see your family doctor. Why take chances? It is your life and you should be enjoying it.
You don’t have a “reason to be”. A raisin d’être..a purpose… a goal. Big or small, long term or short term.
Set some goals. Create purpose in you life. Specific is good.
If you want to make sure that you will be successful you can try using a strategy like creating SMART goals. See the downloadable sheet.
One last note- when creating the wording of your goals and desires, try to state in the positive.
- I would like….
- I will…
- I want…
- I want to travel to…
Avoid using these negatives:
- I would like to avoid…
- I don’t want…
- I prefer not to…
You don’t know yourself. Well maybe you know yourself on the surface or on a superficial level. Knowing yourself also does not automatically mean that you understand yourself. Knowing oneself enough to be happier means understanding oneself on a deeper more meaningful level.
Often, the surface level will mean that you know the whom, what and where of you. To realize the why and how (about your self and your motivations and desires) requires much more work
Surface Knowledge of Self vs. Deeper Understanding of Self
* I snack on junk food late at night. —> * I snack because I’m bored and/or lonely.
* I snack because I don’t take time through the day to eat a healthy meal.
* I am tired all of the time —> * I worry too much about everyone and I do not take care of myself as well as I
* I prefer dance music over other genres –> * Dance music reminds me of being in my early 20’s when I felt carefree. The
bass and the fast tempo make me feel excited and alive.
Step 1) Do some soul searching.
Figure out more about yourself. This includes concepts like:
Your favourite things (colour, music, car, brands, mantras, prayers, hobby, TV show, movie etc.
**Use the form here to record your answers
Step 2) Indulge
Try to partake in one of your “favourites” every day. Wear you favourite scent or chew your favourite gum. It doesn’t have to be something big. It will make a difference in your overall mood.
You are not healthy on a physiological level. According to Maslow’s hierarchy, we, as humans, must ensure that all of our physical needs are met before anything on a higher level. The bottom of this triangle is the largest component. This represents the most important. This includes water, food, clean air, warmth, and sleeps. Have you ever tried to focus on studying for a test or new job but you could not think about anything but the hunger pang deep in your gut?
Pay attention to your physical body. It tells you what you need. Look at Maslow’s hierarchy. Make sure you drink enough water, stay on a sleep schedule and stay healthy.
You judge yourself too harshly.
We are our own worst critics. Try to give yourself the same benefit of the doubt that you would give someone else. For every fault you have, you likely have 5 strengths. Next time you find yourself being overly self- critical just stop yourself and repeat a mantra. Something like “I am awesome. I make mistakes sometimes but I learn from them. I love myself and others like me too” say this 5-10 times and your over all mood will change.
You find yourself dwelling over the past or worrying about the future.
Live in the moment. Pay attention to the sights and sounds around you.
When u eat, eat slowly and enjoy each bite
Stop to smell some flowers or freshly baked cookies.
Feel luxuries fabrics; look at things (and people) you like.
All of these behaviours release endorphins and serotonin into your system. They help you to be in the moment and simply enjoy what is happening.
You may feel lonely.
Think about your immediate social circle. Do you have a series of people you can trust? Are there people in your life that you can talk to about anything?
Strong bonds between people take time and effort. Make sure you are putting in the same effort that you would like returned.
Make time for friends and family: think about where your time is going. Do you need to pay more attention to your social life?
You think too much.
Back in 2010 when my first-born was only about 8 or 9 months old, my mother taught me the most useful child-rearing trick. She would tell me that it is all about distraction. When the baby wanted something dangerous, like a small Lego toy, he would cry and I would attempt to sooth him. My mom would quickly replace the tiny toy with something colourful and safe and baby would be laughing again in no time.
The same thing goes for adults too.
When you find yourself overthinking, distract yourself. Fill your mind with something useful, rather than useless mulling over something that you have no control over.
Tricks to Distract you:
1. Partake in a hobbies; sewing, knitting, drawing, painting, etc.
2. Surround yourself with friends and family.
3. Get outside. Take a walk or hike. The fresh air will do wonders.
5. Read a book or listen to an audio book.
6. Surround yourself with warm colours.
7. Listen to upbeat music.
8. Write. Write a story, write a journal, and write a gratitude list. Write anything. As long as you write you will feel the benefits from it.
The first step to becoming happier is to choose happiness.
If you are having trouble feeling happy, consider some of these possible reasons. Consider these solutions as well. Please contact us with any feedback, questions or comments. We are here to support you.
DISCLAIMER: If you are feeling intensely low, down or sad for a sustained period of time, you may be experiencing more than a simple case of the blues. You have require the help of a medical professional. Call your family doctor or Tele-health.